Because I’ve never been involved in a church where Lent was a really big deal, I’d never really thought about it. I mean I really like pancakes, I notice people giving up things, and I always look forward to Easter eggs, but I’ve never really delved into the point of it (Easter and the forty day corresponding to Jesus forty days in the desert I understand but I never really understood the connection between lent and Easter)
It seems that Lent is a time of waiting, reflecting, anticipation, and repentance. It’s a time of thinking on the sacrifice of Easter and a time of trying to become more aligned with God. This seems like a solid article on both the history and purpose of lent.
A lot of people give up things for Lent to help them be better people. I don't think that's the point of Lent, I think it’s a side effect of the point. Like the more aligned with God we become the more we become better people? And sometimes there are things in our lives that stop us being aligned with God as we could be and those things need to be given, up, given away, put down.
I thought about the usual things that people give up for lent but they are either irrelevant to me or don't seem like big issues as barriers between me and God. So I thought what is the one thing I could change in my life that would help me both know God better and become more aligned with him. And I think the answer to that is to stop wasting time.
I waste a lot of time, I watch trash TV, I play too many hours of computer games, I mooch around the house doing nothing. I am the world's best procrastinator. And I know a lot of the time I am doing these things as avoidance tactics, to avoid things I should be doing (In case I am not good enough at them, in case they bring up negative emotions, in case they are harder work than I anticipated, because I feel guilty doing things that I like, that benefit me, and partly because I’m just lazy) I could use that time that I fritter away to learn more about God, to be more with God, which isn't just prayer and bible reading but about more fully engaging in life in ways that are healthy for myself and others
And the thing is this endeavor will involve me being scrupulously, savagely honest with myself. Because of my mental and physical health issues I need a lot of down time, more than a lot of people and from the outside, downtime looks a lot like wasting time I think. Which means I am the only person that can tell if I’m recuperating or wasting time so I’m going to have to hold myself to account, be really honest with myself on which I am doing and which I need to be doing. (And also exploring if there are more downtime activities that are more nurturing and good for me than I am currently engaging in)
With some of the time i save I will do more overtly obviously Christian things. I'm going to double up my Bible reading so I'm reading two Psalms and Two chapters of the gospels each day. I will spend more time in prayer (which I am kind of getting the hang of and getting more comfortable with) I also bought myself a lent devotional, Let Me Go There by Paula Gooder. I heard an interview with her and really liked what she was saying so I thought I'd really like this book
But as well as these things I want to use the time I'm not wasting to do things that maybe aren't seen as overtly christian but are still intimately tied up with my relationship with God: writing, gardening, crafting,cooking, volunteering, exercising, dealing with my emotional stuff. I think all of these things can be ways of engaging with God for me, and ways of learning more about both God and myself.
I know I'm going to fail at this endevour a lot of the time and I know I'm going to find it incredibly frustrating, both when I fail at it and when I succeed but I still think its something that is really worth doing.
xxx
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