Its pretty liberal, especially for the average age of the congregation and the small townness of it but I have still had people talk in front of me of how same sex relationships are depraved, and have been judged on my lack of being a girlness. I am out as bisexual to some of my church friends and those people also seem to understand my genderqueerness. But I still have to weigh up in that space what I'm talking about, how I talk about my history, my volunteer work, my social activities, my friends, and I know if I say too much to the wrong person I will be really harshly judged
The church I grew up in had a total bug up its nose about same sex attraction. It was the WORSE THING EVER and made you not worthy to be a christian. My mother was even worse about it, she said I couldn't wear a red ribbon to school on world AIDs day because most people who got AIDs deserved it, and whenever there were lesbians on the television she always felt the need to say how disgusting she thought they were. (She also got incredibly angry with me once for being attracted to a very femme male singer because "he looks like a girl!")
I knew I liked girls from when I was eleven and didn't talk about it, ever, to anybody, till I was seventeen, and I didn't tell Best Friend till I was twenty one because I was so afraid she wouldn't want to be my friend anymore.
I also got definite messages about acceptable levels of femininity, and it was definitely a balance, if you were too feminine you were leading men into temptation, and if you weren't feminine enough you were rejecting your God given gender role.
So I carried a lot of shame for a long time about both liking women and failing at being one, and I have mostly worked that through now and am mostly surrounded by people who love me as is
But I've kind of felt since I came back to Christianity that there are some wounds around this that can only be healed in a space were everyone is 100% supportive and affirming of LGBT+ people, and that I need to explore my faith with other LGBT+ people
I was pondering this and then one of my friends told me that a church in the nearest big town has a Sunday evening service that is run by and for LGBT+ people and people who are 100% ok with LGBT+ people being Christians, and having all the same rights as straight cis people.
I was a bit anxious I wouldn't be able to go as I don't drive and local public transport links don't really believe in Sundays, but it turns out there's a guy from even further away than me goes and can give me a lift.
So I went on Sunday, and I liked it a lot. Everyone was really friendly and welcoming, without being weirdly overwhelming as some churches are sometimes. It was really relaxed, someone made me an awesome cup of coffee before the service, I wasn't the butchest woman in the room which I almost always am in church spaces, and anyway even if I had been nobody would have cared. A really big bonus that I hadn't thought about is also that most of the people there are much closer to my age than in my home church, I don't mind at all worshiping with people older than me but its also nice to be with people who know what it's like to be my age now. It was just really nice to be in a group where I knew none of the other Christians were judging me for my orientation and gender stuff.
We had prayers, and singing and interactive discussions in small groups, which was a bit awkward to begin with but isn't it always?
And this sounds like a really small thing, but I loved that they had contemporary worship music, I really like that kind of music but I never thought I'd get to sing it in a group again because mostly the kind of churches that use it tend to be the conservative kind that I don't feel comfortable in and that don't want people like me anyway. It was just the nicest thing to be able to worship with other people in that way.
Ooh, I know what you mean about the contemporary music. I was excited when I found a CofE that played contemporary music (well, if not contemporary, but at least from the 80s and 90s). Up until that point, my experience of CofE had been ultra liberal high church and I was expecting something similar. Lol, nope. I mean, those people were so conservative, they disapproved of my marriage because my husband wasn't Christian. There was no way I could have come out in that environment. And you can't move forward spiritually when you are afraid like that. I couldn't, anyway.
ReplyDeleteI also like your very astute observation about having to be just feminine enough. How true, though I never realised it. I was usually in trouble for not being feminine enough, which was very odd, as a cisgendered feminine girl (honestly, I wore t-shirts and jeans, I really don't think this manly man man behaviour that requires preaching at me about looking nice, you'll never get a husband etc etc).
Where is this comment going? I don't know, I'm typing on my phone and I have no idea what I've even said. Great post. I think it's awesome to get some queer church in to supplement your spiritual diet.
I keep thinking about this comment and never knowing what to write. I think that's a really, really good point you make about how if you are afraid like that it's impossible to move forward spiritually, so many people must be stagnating in churches because they can't be who they really are.
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